**********@aol.com wrote...

Do you wish to be listed anonymously? I wish you not to give out my email publicly, if another Organization such as yourself asks for it, you can give it.

Which area is your meta4 useful in? Co-Dependent

Which country are you in? USA

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I know that by choosing to leave that you feel as if you have failed, it is natural for someone with your giving nature to feel that way, not correct mind you, but predictable. You cannot bring happiness to a man with no honor,no matter what you give, it will never be enough.

A Man without honor has a hole in his life, he wants more and more and more to fill it, but nothing will fill it, he thirst for something he will never have and he will wring every drop out of your spirit then move on to the next person to try and slake that thirst.

You cannot give him Honor, and that is the only thing that will close that void, the only thing that will slake that thirst. That is not to say that He will never change, it is possible, but it won't happen until he goes through everything an alcoholic or drug addict goes through, when he has used people so much, when he has lied so much, that no one will give him so much as the time of day for fear he will feed his addiction with it, then he may come to an impasse, and truly look at himself and repair his life.

But you can't do it for him. The bad thing about people like this, male or female, is that this sickness and lack is of the spirit.. not the body, so it is not as easily seen. We all know, even if we had to learn it the hard way, that you can't give an addict money, not even if he is starving, because he will feed his addiction with it and betray our kindness for his need.

But how many of us think twice before we give sympathy or caring? Only if this particular person has burned us are we likely to shut our heart the minute we see them, but we don't usually do it to a stranger who looks in desperate need of a friend.

He feeds off others, and unless he lives in a very closed society, there will always be someone to feed him, so he may never come to that impasse and save himself.

By leaving you are choosing to save yourself from becoming a sacrifice to his unfulfillable need, not choosing to save yourself INSTEAD of him, it is not a choice between saving him or saving you, it is a choice between saving you.... or not saving you, his outcome remains the same either way, except without you he is one person closer to that impasse that may save him, than he was with you still there as a willing victim.

When you are besieged with guilt and pain and love, hold to this and know that you are doing the right thing, for yourself AND for him.

Ed's note: Thanks anonymous! An interesting and thought provoking entry.

This entry is from a Counsellor, and it can serve to remind all those who read about Erickson and his wonderfully indirect style.... that there are those times, and there are those people, whose greatest clinical benefit... is derived from very straight, very direct talking....And the bank is, after all, for the sharing of such approaches and ideas.

Erickson was often quoted for his stories and wonderfully elaborate, or extremely 'simple' interventions, though he would often be just as firm and direct.